I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
