I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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