I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
