His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
