brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
