I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
