took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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