Plan B is the new Plan A
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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