Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
