i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
