please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
