Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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