My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
