I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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