I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
