I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
