"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
do nipples grow back?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
