May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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