your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
