We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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