Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
