If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
