You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
