she was so not down for the gang bang
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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