she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
