Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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