I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
