If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
