my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize