The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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