maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize