I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
