Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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