so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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