I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
