I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
