i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
