I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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