I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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