Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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