if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
