so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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