I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
