My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
