Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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