I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize