He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
