I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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