I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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