Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
