I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize