another moral hangover. fuck.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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