You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
