I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
