I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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