So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
