I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
