My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
