the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize