im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
