is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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