genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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