we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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