I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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