And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
