i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
