Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
