i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
