THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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