Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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