if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
