Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
