you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
