'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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