I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
