I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
